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Spurious correlation #1,719 · View random

A linear line chart with years as the X-axis and two variables on the Y-axis. The first variable is Cottage cheese consumption and the second variable is Motor vehicle thefts in Texas.  The chart goes from 1990 to 2021, and the two variables track closely in value over that time. Small Image
Download png
, svg

AI explanation

Fewer people were leaving their cars at risk of being stolen while they made a quick cottage cheese run.

Model: dalle-3
Prompt: An image that looks like it is a scene from a Disney movie depicting a person enjoying a bowl of cottage cheese on their front porch. In the background, a car is being stolen from a driveway across the street. Sunset colors illuminate the scene, with a quaint and charming aesthetic reminiscent of a heartwarming Disney animation. The depiction should include only scenes, people, and objects, it should not include text or speech bubbles.
This image generation prompt was also generated by AI, using the following sequence:

Model: gpt-3.5-turbo-1106
System prompt: You select one of a few potential scene descriptors that seems to go along with the variables described. You respond only with the scene descriptions provided and say nothing else.
User prompt: Here are two variables: Cottage cheese consumption and Motor vehicle thefts in Texas. Given these, which of the following image style descriptions seems most appropriate? Pick the one that seems to be related to one of the variables at hand. Please respond with only one of the following potential descriptions: An image that looks like it is a scene from A Disney Movie Cubism Minimalism Celtic art Photorealism
ChatGPT: An image that looks like it is a scene from A Disney Movie

Model: gpt-3.5-turbo-1106
System prompt: You describe simple visual scenes that depict the two variables stated. You combine both variables into one scene.
User prompt: Please describe a visual scene that prominently depicts both Cottage cheese consumption and Motor vehicle thefts in Texas together. Keep the description simple.
ChatGPT: A person enjoying a bowl of cottage cheese on their front porch, while in the background, a car is being stolen from a driveway across the street.

Model: gpt-3.5-turbo-1106
System prompt: You write and improve image generation prompts for DALLE-3. You maintain the same subjects, but enhance the visuals.
User prompt: Please respond with an image generation prompt that would be likely to create an interesting visual using DALLE-3, using the following style: [ An image that looks like it is a scene from A Disney Movie ] and depicting this scene: A person enjoying a bowl of cottage cheese on their front porch, while in the background, a car is being stolen from a driveway across the street. Keep the visual depiction simple. Do not include any words or speech bubbles.
ChatGPT: An image that looks like it is a scene from a Disney movie depicting a person enjoying a bowl of cottage cheese on their front porch. In the background, a car is being stolen from a driveway across the street. Sunset colors illuminate the scene, with a quaint and charming aesthetic reminiscent of a heartwarming Disney animation.

*Variations in the User Prompts from chart to chart are just the result of random number generation in Python. I wrote a few arrays of various styles and methods to ask questions to change up the results. Every time this site writes an explanation or generates an image, the script picks from each at random.

I sequence the requests into multiple prompts because I find GPT 3.5 to perform much better with short, well-managed contexts. Thus, I track the context directly in Python and only ask ChatGPT targeted questions.

Model: gpt-3.5-turbo-1106 (fine-tuned)
System prompt: You provide humorous responses in the form of plausible sounding explanations for correlations. You assume the correlation is causative for the purpose of the explanation even if it is ridiculous. You do not chat with the user, you only reply with the causal connection explanation and nothing else.
User prompt: Please make up a funny explanation for how a decrease in Cottage cheese consumption caused Motor vehicle thefts in Texas to decrease.

AI academic paper

(Because p < 0.01)
Curd and Crime: The Wheyward Connection between Cottage Cheese Consumption and Motor Vehicle Thefts in Texas

The Journal of Dairy Delinquency

Jan 2024

Reminder: This paper is AI-generated. Not real!
Quick note: This sequence is long and repetitive. That's how the prompt engineering works for this one. I manage the output in Python to format it into this PDF.




Model: gpt-3.5-turbo-1106
System prompt: You are a researcher writing an academic paper.You write titles and abstracts of goofy academic research papers.
User prompt:
Pretend you are an academic researcher. Your writing sounds like it belongs in a medical or economics journal. However, you frequently crack jokes, make puns, and add unexpected twists in your writing.

Please draft the title and abstract of an academic research paper presenting the findings of the connection between Cottage cheese consumption and Motor vehicle thefts in Texas. You can't resist a good dad joke. Add a relevant dad joke related to the content every couple of sentences.

Make the title punny if you can come up with clever pun. If not, make it sound serious.

Your research team used data from USDA and FBI Criminal Justice Information Services to assess this nagging question. You found a correlation coefficient of 0.9282387 and p < 0.01 for 1990 to 2021.

Please respond in this format (replace "Lorem ipsum dolor sit" with your title and abstract)

[[TITLE]]
Lorem ipsum dolor sit

[[ABSTRACT]]
Lorem ipsum dolor sit



ChatGPT:
[[TITLE]]
Curd and Crime: The Wheyward Connection between Cottage Cheese Consumption and Motor Vehicle Thefts in Texas

[[ABSTRACT]]
Behold, the dairy peculiar research endeavor that no one asked for, yet absolutely needed! We embarked on the quest to unravel the enigmatic link between the consumption of cottage cheese and the perpetration of grand auto theft in the Lone Star State, Texas. The study ingeniously employs statistical analysis and whimsical wit to unravel the curdled mystery!

Our team, armed with data from the USDA and the FBI's Criminal Justice Information Services, delved into the depths of cheese consumption and chronic car crime trends. To our astonishment, a correlation coefficient of a whopping 0.9282387 reared its cheesy head, delivering incontrovertible evidence of a strong positive relationship. And as any good academic paper should, we solemnly declare with utmost seriousness and a straight face, p < 0.01 for the period of 1990 to 2021!

In light of these peculiar findings, we couldn't resist seasoning our scholarly pursuit with a truly gouda dad joke: Why did the cheese go to the gym? Because it wanted to get shredded! Consider this research an opportunity for academia to brie-ghten up its otherwise austere corridors with some dairy deliciousness!


Model: gpt-3.5-turbo-1106
System prompt: You are a researcher writing an academic paper.You draft the introduction section of an academic research paper.
User prompt:
Pretend you are an academic researcher. Your writing sounds like it belongs in a medical or economics journal. However, you frequently crack jokes, make puns, or add unexpected twists in your writing.

Please make up the introduction section of an academic research paper presenting the findings of the connection between Cottage cheese consumption and Motor vehicle thefts in Texas. You can't resist a good dad joke. Add a relevant dad joke related to the content every couple of sentences. Stay serious and dry most of the time, but then occasionally let your wit shine through.

Here is the title and abstract of the paper:
[[TITLE]]
Curd and Crime: The Wheyward Connection between Cottage Cheese Consumption and Motor Vehicle Thefts in Texas

[[ABSTRACT]]
Behold, the dairy peculiar research endeavor that no one asked for, yet absolutely needed! We embarked on the quest to unravel the enigmatic link between the consumption of cottage cheese and the perpetration of grand auto theft in the Lone Star State, Texas. The study ingeniously employs statistical analysis and whimsical wit to unravel the curdled mystery!

Our team, armed with data from the USDA and the FBI's Criminal Justice Information Services, delved into the depths of cheese consumption and chronic car crime trends. To our astonishment, a correlation coefficient of a whopping 0.9282387 reared its cheesy head, delivering incontrovertible evidence of a strong positive relationship. And as any good academic paper should, we solemnly declare with utmost seriousness and a straight face, p < 0.01 for the period of 1990 to 2021!

In light of these peculiar findings, we couldn't resist seasoning our scholarly pursuit with a truly gouda dad joke: Why did the cheese go to the gym? Because it wanted to get shredded! Consider this research an opportunity for academia to brie-ghten up its otherwise austere corridors with some dairy deliciousness!

-------

Your response should start like this:

[[INTRODUCTION]]



ChatGPT:
[[INTRODUCTION]]

In the annals of unusual correlational studies, the investigation of seemingly disparate phenomena has yielded unexpected and at times hilarious connections. In this vein, we present the results of our investigation into the curious relationship between cottage cheese consumption and motor vehicle thefts in the expansive and eclectic state of Texas. Thus, we pose the question: Can the consumption of cottage cheese have a wheyward influence on criminal behavior?

It all started when the idea curdled into our minds that there might be an unconventional link between cheese consumption and criminal activities. The thought of "cheese driving crime" struck a chord with us, guided by a scientific inquisitiveness that dairy aficionados may appreciate. Thus, we embarked on this cheesy endeavor to explore whether there exists a statistically significant association between the consumption of cottage cheese and the commission of motor vehicle thefts.

In the spirit of academic rigor and intellectual exploration, we sought to melt away the mysteries shrouding this peculiar relationship. Our intention was not merely to offer a cheesy anecdote, but to contribute meaningfully to the ever-expanding body of empirical research. After all, in the world of academic pursuits, one must always be cautious not to take themselves too seriously, lest they become a bit of a (baby)bel-end. And so, armed with data and a penchant for puns, we set forth on this dairy-fueled endeavor.


Model: gpt-3.5-turbo-1106
System prompt: You are a researcher writing an academic paper.You draft a literature review section of an academic research paper, that starts out dry for the first few sentences but then becomes hilarious and goofy.
User prompt:
Pretend you are an academic researcher. Your writing sounds like it belongs in a medical or economics journal. However, you frequently crack jokes, make puns, or add unexpected twists in your writing.

Please make up a literature review section of an academic research paper presenting the findings of the connection between Cottage cheese consumption and Motor vehicle thefts in Texas. You can't resist a good dad joke. Add a relevant dad joke related to the content every couple of sentences.

Speak in the present tense for this section (the authors find...), as is common in academic research paper literature reviews. Name the sources in a format similar to this: In "Book," the authors find lorem and ipsum.

Make up the lorem and ipsum part, but make it sound related to the topic at hand.

Start by naming serious-sounding studies by authors like Smith, Doe, and Jones - but then quickly devolve. Name some real non-fiction books that would be related to the topic. Then name some real fiction books that sound like they could be related. Then cite some social media posts you read that seem to be related.

Here is the title and abstract of the paper:
[[TITLE]]
Curd and Crime: The Wheyward Connection between Cottage Cheese Consumption and Motor Vehicle Thefts in Texas

[[ABSTRACT]]
Behold, the dairy peculiar research endeavor that no one asked for, yet absolutely needed! We embarked on the quest to unravel the enigmatic link between the consumption of cottage cheese and the perpetration of grand auto theft in the Lone Star State, Texas. The study ingeniously employs statistical analysis and whimsical wit to unravel the curdled mystery!

Our team, armed with data from the USDA and the FBI's Criminal Justice Information Services, delved into the depths of cheese consumption and chronic car crime trends. To our astonishment, a correlation coefficient of a whopping 0.9282387 reared its cheesy head, delivering incontrovertible evidence of a strong positive relationship. And as any good academic paper should, we solemnly declare with utmost seriousness and a straight face, p < 0.01 for the period of 1990 to 2021!

In light of these peculiar findings, we couldn't resist seasoning our scholarly pursuit with a truly gouda dad joke: Why did the cheese go to the gym? Because it wanted to get shredded! Consider this research an opportunity for academia to brie-ghten up its otherwise austere corridors with some dairy deliciousness!

-------

And here is the introduction section that led to this literature review:
[[INTRODUCTION]]
In the annals of unusual correlational studies, the investigation of seemingly disparate phenomena has yielded unexpected and at times hilarious connections. In this vein, we present the results of our investigation into the curious relationship between cottage cheese consumption and motor vehicle thefts in the expansive and eclectic state of Texas. Thus, we pose the question: Can the consumption of cottage cheese have a wheyward influence on criminal behavior?
It all started when the idea curdled into our minds that there might be an unconventional link between cheese consumption and criminal activities. The thought of "cheese driving crime" struck a chord with us, guided by a scientific inquisitiveness that dairy aficionados may appreciate. Thus, we embarked on this cheesy endeavor to explore whether there exists a statistically significant association between the consumption of cottage cheese and the commission of motor vehicle thefts.
In the spirit of academic rigor and intellectual exploration, we sought to melt away the mysteries shrouding this peculiar relationship. Our intention was not merely to offer a cheesy anecdote, but to contribute meaningfully to the ever-expanding body of empirical research. After all, in the world of academic pursuits, one must always be cautious not to take themselves too seriously, lest they become a bit of a (baby)bel-end. And so, armed with data and a penchant for puns, we set forth on this dairy-fueled endeavor.

-------

Your response should start like this:

[[LITERATURE REVIEW]]



ChatGPT:
[[LITERATURE REVIEW]]

In "Smith and Doe," the authors find that Cottage cheese consumption has been on the rise in Texas over the past two decades, mirroring a global dairy trend. This upward trajectory in cottage cheese consumption has piqued the interest of researchers and dairy enthusiasts alike, prompting inquiries into its potential societal impact. It seems that the Lone Star State is not immune to the allure of curds and whey.

However, delving into the world of peculiar correlations, one cannot help but recall the groundbreaking research of Jones, who explored the underappreciated relationship between dairy products and criminal behavior, albeit in a distinctly different context. Remarkably, Jones discovered that there may exist an unexpected connection between milkshake preferences and petty larceny. This led us to ponder: if milkshakes can bring all the boys to the yard, could cottage cheese bring all the thieves to the car lot?

Realizing the need to branch out from the conventional research literature, we turned to "The Cheese Lover's Companion" by Sharon Tyler Herbst, and "The Big Cheese" by Bob Bond. These literary offerings provided insights into the world of cheese far beyond our initial expectations, albeit not directly related to criminal behavior.

In the realm of fiction, "The Girl with the Dragon Cheese" by Stieg Larsson and "Gone with the Whey" by Margaret Mitchell make no direct reference to cottage cheese or car theft. Nonetheless, the allure of their titles cannot be denied, tickling the scholarly fancy with their nod to dairy products and potential thievery.

Moreover, our explorations extended to social media, where a Twitter user posited, "I've never stolen a car, but I have stolen a spoonful of cottage cheese from the fridge at midnight. Could there be a link?" If only all academic inquiries were as engaging as this tongue-in-cheek pondering!

With the scholarly foundation laid and the witticisms well-stocked, we proceed to dissect the connection between cottage cheese consumption and motor vehicle thefts in the expansive and eclectic state of Texas. As we navigate this wheyward journey, we invite readers to embrace both the seriousness and the levity of our dairy-laden pursuit.



Model: gpt-3.5-turbo-1106
System prompt: You are a researcher writing an academic paper.You draft the methodology section of an academic research paper.
User prompt:
Pretend you are an academic researcher. Your writing sounds like it belongs in a medical or economics journal. However, you frequently crack jokes, make puns, or add unexpected twists in your writing.

Please make up the methodology section of an academic research paper presenting the findings of the connection between Cottage cheese consumption and Motor vehicle thefts in Texas. You can't resist a good dad joke. Add a relevant dad joke related to the content every couple of sentences. Stay serious and dry most of the time, but then occasionally let your wit shine through.

Your research team collected data from all across the internet, but mostly just used information from USDA and FBI Criminal Justice Information Services . You used data from 1990 to 2021

Make up the research methods you don't know. Make them a bit goofy and convoluted.

Here is the title, abstract, and introduction of the paper:
[[TITLE]]
Curd and Crime: The Wheyward Connection between Cottage Cheese Consumption and Motor Vehicle Thefts in Texas

[[ABSTRACT]]
Behold, the dairy peculiar research endeavor that no one asked for, yet absolutely needed! We embarked on the quest to unravel the enigmatic link between the consumption of cottage cheese and the perpetration of grand auto theft in the Lone Star State, Texas. The study ingeniously employs statistical analysis and whimsical wit to unravel the curdled mystery!

Our team, armed with data from the USDA and the FBI's Criminal Justice Information Services, delved into the depths of cheese consumption and chronic car crime trends. To our astonishment, a correlation coefficient of a whopping 0.9282387 reared its cheesy head, delivering incontrovertible evidence of a strong positive relationship. And as any good academic paper should, we solemnly declare with utmost seriousness and a straight face, p < 0.01 for the period of 1990 to 2021!

In light of these peculiar findings, we couldn't resist seasoning our scholarly pursuit with a truly gouda dad joke: Why did the cheese go to the gym? Because it wanted to get shredded! Consider this research an opportunity for academia to brie-ghten up its otherwise austere corridors with some dairy deliciousness!

[[INTRODUCTION]]
In the annals of unusual correlational studies, the investigation of seemingly disparate phenomena has yielded unexpected and at times hilarious connections. In this vein, we present the results of our investigation into the curious relationship between cottage cheese consumption and motor vehicle thefts in the expansive and eclectic state of Texas. Thus, we pose the question: Can the consumption of cottage cheese have a wheyward influence on criminal behavior?
It all started when the idea curdled into our minds that there might be an unconventional link between cheese consumption and criminal activities. The thought of "cheese driving crime" struck a chord with us, guided by a scientific inquisitiveness that dairy aficionados may appreciate. Thus, we embarked on this cheesy endeavor to explore whether there exists a statistically significant association between the consumption of cottage cheese and the commission of motor vehicle thefts.
In the spirit of academic rigor and intellectual exploration, we sought to melt away the mysteries shrouding this peculiar relationship. Our intention was not merely to offer a cheesy anecdote, but to contribute meaningfully to the ever-expanding body of empirical research. After all, in the world of academic pursuits, one must always be cautious not to take themselves too seriously, lest they become a bit of a (baby)bel-end. And so, armed with data and a penchant for puns, we set forth on this dairy-fueled endeavor.

-------

Your response should start like this:

[[METHODOLOGY]]



ChatGPT:

[[METHODOLOGY]]

To unveil the wheyward connection between cottage cheese consumption and motor vehicle thefts in Texas, our research employed a mixed-method approach combining quantitative analysis and whimsical musings. We embarked on a gouda expedition to extract data from the USDA and the FBI's Criminal Justice Information Services, because what could be cheddar than that? We sifted through data from 1990 to 2021, seeking to curdle the mystery surrounding this unexplored intersection of dairy delight and criminal capers.

First, we meticulously assembled consumption data of cottage cheese across Texas, considering both the per capita consumption and the spatial distribution of dairy enthusiasts. This involved leveraging advanced statistical techniques and a magnifying glass to scrutinize minuscule dairy aisle movements. We then applied our top-secret method of "MOO-ving averages" to smooth out the volatile fluctuations and ensure the creamiest data representation.

Simultaneously, we delved into the abyss of motor vehicle theft records in the Lone Star State, where we encountered a plethora of puzzling patterns and enigmatic encounters with cheese-loving criminals. The task at hand involved decoding the cryptic language of law enforcement reports and meticulously tallying the stolen vehicles, all while suppressing the urge to crack cheesy puns at every turn. It's no easy feat to stay feta-focused amidst such tantalizing crime statistics, but we persevered.

In addition to the enthralling data excavation, we conducted field observations, infiltrating dairy aisles and lurking around parking lots to witness the synergistic dance between cottage cheese enthusiasts and car thieves. We disguised ourselves as inconspicuous dairy aficionados, making casual conversation about curds and whey with unsuspecting shoppers, all to gain valuable insights into the intertwining worlds of cheesy indulgence and automotive larceny. And yes, this involved an unexpected abundance of cheese-related puns and some truly cringe-worthy dairy jokes – anything for science!

As any responsible and slightly irreverent research team, we validated our findings through rigorous statistical analysis, employing correlation coefficients and regression models to unequivocally establish the association between cottage cheese consumption and motor vehicle thefts. We ensured that the p-values were as sharp as cheddar, affirming the robustness of our findings and underlining the significance of this unexpected correlation.

In the spirit of academic inquiry and the occasional bout of lightheartedness, we took our methodology seriously but never forgot to infuse it with a little sprinkle of gouda humor. After all, in the world of research, it can be gratingly dull if you don't spice it up with a dash of dairy-related delight. It's the hallmark of a respectable research endeavor – always taking the pursuit of knowledge seriously but never taking oneself too seriously.


Model: gpt-3.5-turbo-1106
System prompt: You are a researcher writing an academic paper.You draft the results section of an academic research paper. You speak in the past tense (you found...).
User prompt:
Pretend you are an academic researcher. Your writing sounds like it belongs in a medical or economics journal. However, you frequently crack jokes, make puns, or add unexpected twists in your writing.

Please make up the results section of an academic research paper presenting the findings of the connection between Cottage cheese consumption and Motor vehicle thefts in Texas. You can't resist a good dad joke. Add a relevant dad joke related to the content every couple of sentences. Stay serious and dry most of the time, but then occasionally let your wit shine through.

Your research team collected data from all across the internet, but mostly just used information from USDA and FBI Criminal Justice Information Services .

For the time period 1990 to 2021, you found a correlation 0.9282387, r-squared of 0.8616270, and p < 0.01.

One figure will be included. The figure (Fig. 1) is a scatterplot showing the strong correlation between the two variables. You don't need to specify where; I will add the figure.

Here is the title and abstract of the paper:
[[TITLE]]
Curd and Crime: The Wheyward Connection between Cottage Cheese Consumption and Motor Vehicle Thefts in Texas

[[ABSTRACT]]
Behold, the dairy peculiar research endeavor that no one asked for, yet absolutely needed! We embarked on the quest to unravel the enigmatic link between the consumption of cottage cheese and the perpetration of grand auto theft in the Lone Star State, Texas. The study ingeniously employs statistical analysis and whimsical wit to unravel the curdled mystery!

Our team, armed with data from the USDA and the FBI's Criminal Justice Information Services, delved into the depths of cheese consumption and chronic car crime trends. To our astonishment, a correlation coefficient of a whopping 0.9282387 reared its cheesy head, delivering incontrovertible evidence of a strong positive relationship. And as any good academic paper should, we solemnly declare with utmost seriousness and a straight face, p < 0.01 for the period of 1990 to 2021!

In light of these peculiar findings, we couldn't resist seasoning our scholarly pursuit with a truly gouda dad joke: Why did the cheese go to the gym? Because it wanted to get shredded! Consider this research an opportunity for academia to brie-ghten up its otherwise austere corridors with some dairy deliciousness!

-------

And here is the methodology section that led to this result:
[[METHODOLOGY]]
In the annals of unusual correlational studies, the investigation of seemingly disparate phenomena has yielded unexpected and at times hilarious connections. In this vein, we present the results of our investigation into the curious relationship between cottage cheese consumption and motor vehicle thefts in the expansive and eclectic state of Texas. Thus, we pose the question: Can the consumption of cottage cheese have a wheyward influence on criminal behavior?
It all started when the idea curdled into our minds that there might be an unconventional link between cheese consumption and criminal activities. The thought of "cheese driving crime" struck a chord with us, guided by a scientific inquisitiveness that dairy aficionados may appreciate. Thus, we embarked on this cheesy endeavor to explore whether there exists a statistically significant association between the consumption of cottage cheese and the commission of motor vehicle thefts.
In the spirit of academic rigor and intellectual exploration, we sought to melt away the mysteries shrouding this peculiar relationship. Our intention was not merely to offer a cheesy anecdote, but to contribute meaningfully to the ever-expanding body of empirical research. After all, in the world of academic pursuits, one must always be cautious not to take themselves too seriously, lest they become a bit of a (baby)bel-end. And so, armed with data and a penchant for puns, we set forth on this dairy-fueled endeavor.

-------

Your response should start like this:

[[RESULTS]]



ChatGPT:

[[RESULTS]]

Our rigorous statistical analysis unearthed a staggering correlation coefficient of 0.9282387, signaling a remarkably strong positive association between cottage cheese consumption and motor vehicle thefts in Texas. The coefficient of determination (r-squared) of 0.8616270 further buttressed this wheys of cheese. These findings illuminate a compelling relationship, hinting at the dairy unexpected influence of cottage cheese on criminal behavior in the realm of vehicular misdeeds.

It appears that the phrase "It ain't easy being cheesy" takes on a whole new meaning in the context of criminal activities!

Fig. 1 presents a scatterplot displaying the data in all its cheesy glory, demonstrating the undeniable trend that emerged from our examination. Each data point is a testament to the cheddar-ing effect that cottage cheese consumption seems to have on the perpetration of motor vehicle thefts.

The correlation found in our study provides a provolone link between these two seemingly unrelated variables, emphasizing the significance of considering unconventional factors when analyzing criminal trends.

One might say that our findings are quite halloumi-nating!


Model: gpt-3.5-turbo-1106
System prompt: You are a researcher writing an academic paper.You draft the discussion section of an academic research paper.
User prompt:
Pretend you are an academic researcher. Your writing sounds like it belongs in a medical or economics journal. However, you frequently crack jokes, make puns, or add unexpected twists in your writing.

Please make up the discussion section of an academic research paper presenting the findings of the connection between Cottage cheese consumption and Motor vehicle thefts in Texas. You can't resist a good dad joke. Add a relevant dad joke related to the content every couple of sentences. Stay serious and dry most of the time, but then occasionally let your wit shine through.

Limit your response to 500 tokens.

Here are the title, abstract, literature review, and results sections. Please harken back to 1-2 of the goofy items in the literature review, but pretend to take them completely seriously. Discuss how your results supported the prior research.

Do not write a conclusion. I will add a conclusion after this.

[[TITLE]]
Curd and Crime: The Wheyward Connection between Cottage Cheese Consumption and Motor Vehicle Thefts in Texas

[[ABSTRACT]]
Behold, the dairy peculiar research endeavor that no one asked for, yet absolutely needed! We embarked on the quest to unravel the enigmatic link between the consumption of cottage cheese and the perpetration of grand auto theft in the Lone Star State, Texas. The study ingeniously employs statistical analysis and whimsical wit to unravel the curdled mystery!

Our team, armed with data from the USDA and the FBI's Criminal Justice Information Services, delved into the depths of cheese consumption and chronic car crime trends. To our astonishment, a correlation coefficient of a whopping 0.9282387 reared its cheesy head, delivering incontrovertible evidence of a strong positive relationship. And as any good academic paper should, we solemnly declare with utmost seriousness and a straight face, p < 0.01 for the period of 1990 to 2021!

In light of these peculiar findings, we couldn't resist seasoning our scholarly pursuit with a truly gouda dad joke: Why did the cheese go to the gym? Because it wanted to get shredded! Consider this research an opportunity for academia to brie-ghten up its otherwise austere corridors with some dairy deliciousness!

[[LITERATURE REVIEW]]
In "Smith and Doe," the authors find that Cottage cheese consumption has been on the rise in Texas over the past two decades, mirroring a global dairy trend. This upward trajectory in cottage cheese consumption has piqued the interest of researchers and dairy enthusiasts alike, prompting inquiries into its potential societal impact. It seems that the Lone Star State is not immune to the allure of curds and whey.
However, delving into the world of peculiar correlations, one cannot help but recall the groundbreaking research of Jones, who explored the underappreciated relationship between dairy products and criminal behavior, albeit in a distinctly different context. Remarkably, Jones discovered that there may exist an unexpected connection between milkshake preferences and petty larceny. This led us to ponder: if milkshakes can bring all the boys to the yard, could cottage cheese bring all the thieves to the car lot?
Realizing the need to branch out from the conventional research literature, we turned to "The Cheese Lover's Companion" by Sharon Tyler Herbst, and "The Big Cheese" by Bob Bond. These literary offerings provided insights into the world of cheese far beyond our initial expectations, albeit not directly related to criminal behavior.
In the realm of fiction, "The Girl with the Dragon Cheese" by Stieg Larsson and "Gone with the Whey" by Margaret Mitchell make no direct reference to cottage cheese or car theft. Nonetheless, the allure of their titles cannot be denied, tickling the scholarly fancy with their nod to dairy products and potential thievery.
Moreover, our explorations extended to social media, where a Twitter user posited, "I've never stolen a car, but I have stolen a spoonful of cottage cheese from the fridge at midnight. Could there be a link?" If only all academic inquiries were as engaging as this tongue-in-cheek pondering!
With the scholarly foundation laid and the witticisms well-stocked, we proceed to dissect the connection between cottage cheese consumption and motor vehicle thefts in the expansive and eclectic state of Texas. As we navigate this wheyward journey, we invite readers to embrace both the seriousness and the levity of our dairy-laden pursuit.


[[RESULTS]]
Our rigorous statistical analysis unearthed a staggering correlation coefficient of 0.9282387, signaling a remarkably strong positive association between cottage cheese consumption and motor vehicle thefts in Texas. The coefficient of determination (r-squared) of 0.8616270 further buttressed this wheys of cheese. These findings illuminate a compelling relationship, hinting at the dairy unexpected influence of cottage cheese on criminal behavior in the realm of vehicular misdeeds.
It appears that the phrase "It ain't easy being cheesy" takes on a whole new meaning in the context of criminal activities!
Fig. 1 presents a scatterplot displaying the data in all its cheesy glory, demonstrating the undeniable trend that emerged from our examination. Each data point is a testament to the cheddar-ing effect that cottage cheese consumption seems to have on the perpetration of motor vehicle thefts.
The correlation found in our study provides a provolone link between these two seemingly unrelated variables, emphasizing the significance of considering unconventional factors when analyzing criminal trends.
One might say that our findings are quite halloumi-nating!

-------

Your response should start like this:

[[DISCUSSION]]



ChatGPT:

[[DISCUSSION]]

The results of our study unequivocally support the initial speculations drawn from the literature review regarding the potential correlation between cottage cheese consumption and motor vehicle thefts in Texas. The staggering correlation coefficient of 0.9282387 aligns with the previous work of Smith and Doe, who observed a consistent rise in cottage cheese consumption in Texas. It seems that the state's penchant for curds and whey may have inadvertently paved the whey for heightened criminal activities, providing a rather titillating topic for further investigation.

As we wade through the cheesy data, it becomes increasingly clear that the influence of cottage cheese on criminal behavior is not to be curdled or dismissed lightly. Our findings echo the curiosity sparked by the unlikely correlations unearthed by Jones, albeit in a different dairylicious context. The unexpected connection between dairy products and criminal behavior seems to have seasoned the scholarly landscape with a hint of dairy debauchery, inviting us to cheddar further into the depths of this peculiar relationship.

While our study focused on the dairy-driven capers in Texas, it is imperative to acknowledge the global trends in cottage cheese consumption highlighted by Smith and Doe, indicating a potential ripple effect of dairy-related mischief on an international scale. Indeed, the earth-shattering correlation coefficient we unearthed may shed light on the ever-expanding influence of cheese on crime, provoking a deliciously intriguing avenue of research.

Furthermore, our findings emphasize the need to embrace unconventional variables when examining criminal trends, as humorously noted by a whimsical Twitter user tossing around stolen spoonfuls of cottage cheese and stolen cars in the same breath. This tongue-in-cheek insight draws attention to the unforeseen intersections of culinary indulgences and criminal behavior, prompting us to gratefully acknowledge the light-hearted complexities of our scholarly pursuit.

In conclusion, the wheys of cottage cheese consumption and motor vehicle thefts have emerged as an intriguing focus for further exploration. We invite fellow researchers to engage with our findings, perhaps with a slice of cheesy enlightenment in one hand and a dash of skepticism in the other. After all, in the realm of dairy-driven crime, one cannot help but wonder: if cheese is stolen, is it considered a curd crime or just a cheesy theft?



Model: gpt-3.5-turbo-1106
System prompt: You are a researcher writing an academic paper.You draft the discussion section of goofy academic research papers that sounds like it belongs based on the title and abstract provided.
User prompt:
Pretend you are an academic researcher. Your writing sounds like it belongs in a medical or economics journal. However, you frequently crack jokes, make puns, or add unexpected twists in your writing.

Please make up a short conclusion of an academic research paper presenting the findings of the connection between Cottage cheese consumption and Motor vehicle thefts in Texas. You can't resist a good dad joke. Add a relevant dad joke related to the content every couple of sentences. Stay serious and dry most of the time, but then occasionally let your wit shine through.

Limit your response to 300 tokens. At the very end, assert that no more research is needed in this area.

Here are the title, abstract, introduction, and results sections.
[[TITLE]]
Curd and Crime: The Wheyward Connection between Cottage Cheese Consumption and Motor Vehicle Thefts in Texas

[[ABSTRACT]]
Behold, the dairy peculiar research endeavor that no one asked for, yet absolutely needed! We embarked on the quest to unravel the enigmatic link between the consumption of cottage cheese and the perpetration of grand auto theft in the Lone Star State, Texas. The study ingeniously employs statistical analysis and whimsical wit to unravel the curdled mystery!

Our team, armed with data from the USDA and the FBI's Criminal Justice Information Services, delved into the depths of cheese consumption and chronic car crime trends. To our astonishment, a correlation coefficient of a whopping 0.9282387 reared its cheesy head, delivering incontrovertible evidence of a strong positive relationship. And as any good academic paper should, we solemnly declare with utmost seriousness and a straight face, p < 0.01 for the period of 1990 to 2021!

In light of these peculiar findings, we couldn't resist seasoning our scholarly pursuit with a truly gouda dad joke: Why did the cheese go to the gym? Because it wanted to get shredded! Consider this research an opportunity for academia to brie-ghten up its otherwise austere corridors with some dairy deliciousness!

[[INTRDUCTION]]
In the annals of unusual correlational studies, the investigation of seemingly disparate phenomena has yielded unexpected and at times hilarious connections. In this vein, we present the results of our investigation into the curious relationship between cottage cheese consumption and motor vehicle thefts in the expansive and eclectic state of Texas. Thus, we pose the question: Can the consumption of cottage cheese have a wheyward influence on criminal behavior?
It all started when the idea curdled into our minds that there might be an unconventional link between cheese consumption and criminal activities. The thought of "cheese driving crime" struck a chord with us, guided by a scientific inquisitiveness that dairy aficionados may appreciate. Thus, we embarked on this cheesy endeavor to explore whether there exists a statistically significant association between the consumption of cottage cheese and the commission of motor vehicle thefts.
In the spirit of academic rigor and intellectual exploration, we sought to melt away the mysteries shrouding this peculiar relationship. Our intention was not merely to offer a cheesy anecdote, but to contribute meaningfully to the ever-expanding body of empirical research. After all, in the world of academic pursuits, one must always be cautious not to take themselves too seriously, lest they become a bit of a (baby)bel-end. And so, armed with data and a penchant for puns, we set forth on this dairy-fueled endeavor.

[[RESULTS]]
Our rigorous statistical analysis unearthed a staggering correlation coefficient of 0.9282387, signaling a remarkably strong positive association between cottage cheese consumption and motor vehicle thefts in Texas. The coefficient of determination (r-squared) of 0.8616270 further buttressed this wheys of cheese. These findings illuminate a compelling relationship, hinting at the dairy unexpected influence of cottage cheese on criminal behavior in the realm of vehicular misdeeds.
It appears that the phrase "It ain't easy being cheesy" takes on a whole new meaning in the context of criminal activities!
Fig. 1 presents a scatterplot displaying the data in all its cheesy glory, demonstrating the undeniable trend that emerged from our examination. Each data point is a testament to the cheddar-ing effect that cottage cheese consumption seems to have on the perpetration of motor vehicle thefts.
The correlation found in our study provides a provolone link between these two seemingly unrelated variables, emphasizing the significance of considering unconventional factors when analyzing criminal trends.
One might say that our findings are quite halloumi-nating!

-------

Your response should start like this:

[[CONCLUSION]]



ChatGPT:

[[CONCLUSION]]

In conclusion, our investigation has curdled up some truly intriguing findings concerning the whimsical relationship between cottage cheese consumption and motor vehicle thefts in Texas. The remarkable correlation coefficient of 0.9282387 has not only churned the dairy industry but also provided strong evidence of a positive association between these seemingly unrelated phenomena. Now, one might say that the only thing cheesier than our findings are the jokes we couldn't resist sprinkling throughout this paper!

As we cheese this chapter and move towards the end, let us not forget the profound impact of our study. It has added a new dimension to the understanding of criminal behavior and, one could argue, has grated upon our conventional notions of causality in criminology.

And now comes the time for a dad joke fitting for the conclusion: Why don't cheese thieves ever get caught? Because they're too gouda at making a quick getaway!

In light of our compelling results, we assert with utmost sincerity and dairy-infused confidence that no further research is needed in this area. Let it be known that this study has whey-sted its case and bleu us all away with its findings. Hence, we urge fellow academics to embrace this endeavor as a gouda example of the unexpected places where research can lead and to never underestimate the power of cheese in our lives.

It's safe to say that our work has truly been the big cheese of unconventional research!


Model: gpt-3.5-turbo-1106
System prompt: You provide fictional names of academic journals. You say nothing else, and you do not chat with the user.
User prompt: Please provide the name of a funny but plausible sounding research, scientific, or academic journal that would publish a paper entited Curd and Crime: The Wheyward Connection between Cottage Cheese Consumption and Motor Vehicle Thefts in Texas. Respond only with the name of a fictional academic journal.

ChatGPT:

The Journal of Dairy Delinquency


Model: gpt-3.5-turbo-1106
System prompt: You provide fictional names of nonprofit research organizations and associations. You say nothing else, and you do not chat with the user.
User prompt: Please provide the name of a funny but plausible sounding nonprofit, academic, or scientific association or organization that would sponsor research that resulted in a paper entited Curd and Crime: The Wheyward Connection between Cottage Cheese Consumption and Motor Vehicle Thefts in Texas. Respond only with the name of a fictional organization.

ChatGPT:

The Association for Dairy Security and Criminology


Model: gpt-3.5-turbo-1106
System prompt: You provide potential search keywords separated by commas. You say nothing else, and you do not chat with the user.
User prompt: Please provide potential search keywords for a paper titled Curd and Crime: The Wheyward Connection between Cottage Cheese Consumption and Motor Vehicle Thefts in Texas with an abstract of Behold, the dairy peculiar research endeavor that no one asked for, yet absolutely needed! We embarked on the quest to unravel the enigmatic link between the consumption of cottage cheese and the perpetration of grand auto theft in the Lone Star State, Texas. The study ingeniously employs statistical analysis and whimsical wit to unravel the curdled mystery!
Our team, armed with data from the USDA and the FBI's Criminal Justice Information Services, delved into the depths of cheese consumption and chronic car crime trends. To our astonishment, a correlation coefficient of a whopping 0.9282387 reared its cheesy head, delivering incontrovertible evidence of a strong positive relationship. And as any good academic paper should, we solemnly declare with utmost seriousness and a straight face, p < 0.01 for the period of 1990 to 2021!
In light of these peculiar findings, we couldn't resist seasoning our scholarly pursuit with a truly gouda dad joke: Why did the cheese go to the gym? Because it wanted to get shredded! Consider this research an opportunity for academia to brie-ghten up its otherwise austere corridors with some dairy deliciousness!

ChatGPT:

cottage cheese consumption, motor vehicle thefts, Texas, correlation coefficient, statistical analysis, cheese consumption, car crime trends, USDA data, FBI Criminal Justice Information Services, relationship between cheese consumption and crime, dairy consumption and crime, correlation between food consumption and criminal activity

*There is a bunch of Python happening behind the scenes to turn this prompt sequence into a PDF.



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Data details

Cottage cheese consumption
Detailed data title: Per capita consumption of Cottage cheese in the US
Source: USDA
See what else correlates with Cottage cheese consumption

Motor vehicle thefts in Texas
Detailed data title: The motor vehicle theft rate per 100,000 residents in Texas
Source: FBI Criminal Justice Information Services
See what else correlates with Motor vehicle thefts in Texas

Correlation r = 0.9282387 (Pearson correlation coefficient)
Correlation is a measure of how much the variables move together. If it is 0.99, when one goes up the other goes up. If it is 0.02, the connection is very weak or non-existent. If it is -0.99, then when one goes up the other goes down. If it is 1.00, you probably messed up your correlation function.

r2 = 0.8616270 (Coefficient of determination)
This means 86.2% of the change in the one variable (i.e., Motor vehicle thefts in Texas) is predictable based on the change in the other (i.e., Cottage cheese consumption) over the 32 years from 1990 through 2021.

p < 0.01, which is statistically significant(Null hypothesis significance test)
The p-value is 2.02E-14. 0.0000000000000202170119777745
The p-value is a measure of how probable it is that we would randomly find a result this extreme. More specifically the p-value is a measure of how probable it is that we would randomly find a result this extreme if we had only tested one pair of variables one time.

But I am a p-villain. I absolutely did not test only one pair of variables one time. I correlated hundreds of millions of pairs of variables. I threw boatloads of data into an industrial-sized blender to find this correlation.

Who is going to stop me? p-value reporting doesn't require me to report how many calculations I had to go through in order to find a low p-value!
On average, you will find a correaltion as strong as 0.93 in 2.02E-12% of random cases. Said differently, if you correlated 49,463,293,640,986 random variables You don't actually need 49 trillion variables to find a correlation like this one. I don't have that many variables in my database. You can also correlate variables that are not independent. I do this a lot.

p-value calculations are useful for understanding the probability of a result happening by chance. They are most useful when used to highlight the risk of a fluke outcome. For example, if you calculate a p-value of 0.30, the risk that the result is a fluke is high. It is good to know that! But there are lots of ways to get a p-value of less than 0.01, as evidenced by this project.

In this particular case, the values are so extreme as to be meaningless. That's why no one reports p-values with specificity after they drop below 0.01.

Just to be clear: I'm being completely transparent about the calculations. There is no math trickery. This is just how statistics shakes out when you calculate hundreds of millions of random correlations.
with the same 31 degrees of freedom, Degrees of freedom is a measure of how many free components we are testing. In this case it is 31 because we have two variables measured over a period of 32 years. It's just the number of years minus ( the number of variables minus one ), which in this case simplifies to the number of years minus one.
you would randomly expect to find a correlation as strong as this one.

[ 0.86, 0.96 ] 95% correlation confidence interval (using the Fisher z-transformation)
The confidence interval is an estimate the range of the value of the correlation coefficient, using the correlation itself as an input. The values are meant to be the low and high end of the correlation coefficient with 95% confidence.

This one is a bit more complciated than the other calculations, but I include it because many people have been pushing for confidence intervals instead of p-value calculations (for example: NEJM. However, if you are dredging data, you can reliably find yourself in the 5%. That's my goal!


All values for the years included above: If I were being very sneaky, I could trim years from the beginning or end of the datasets to increase the correlation on some pairs of variables. I don't do that because there are already plenty of correlations in my database without monkeying with the years.

Still, sometimes one of the variables has more years of data available than the other. This page only shows the overlapping years. To see all the years, click on "See what else correlates with..." link above.
19901991199219931994199519961997199819992000200120022003200420052006200720082009201020112012201320142015201620172018201920202021
Cottage cheese consumption (Pounds per person)3.33.23.12.92.82.72.62.62.62.62.62.62.62.62.72.72.62.62.32.42.32.32.32.12.12.12.22.12.12.121.9
Motor vehicle thefts in Texas (Motor Vehicle Theft rate)909944.3821.7692.3602.6560.4548.6523.3489.1459.2446.8480.4472.4444.3418.6407.5405.9393.2351309269.4249.4249.5248.2253.6246.1247.2239.8244.5270.3287302.5




Why this works

  1. Data dredging: I have 25,153 variables in my database. I compare all these variables against each other to find ones that randomly match up. That's 632,673,409 correlation calculations! This is called “data dredging.” Instead of starting with a hypothesis and testing it, I instead abused the data to see what correlations shake out. It’s a dangerous way to go about analysis, because any sufficiently large dataset will yield strong correlations completely at random.
  2. Lack of causal connection: There is probably Because these pages are automatically generated, it's possible that the two variables you are viewing are in fact causually related. I take steps to prevent the obvious ones from showing on the site (I don't let data about the weather in one city correlate with the weather in a neighboring city, for example), but sometimes they still pop up. If they are related, cool! You found a loophole.
    no direct connection between these variables, despite what the AI says above. This is exacerbated by the fact that I used "Years" as the base variable. Lots of things happen in a year that are not related to each other! Most studies would use something like "one person" in stead of "one year" to be the "thing" studied.
  3. Observations not independent: For many variables, sequential years are not independent of each other. If a population of people is continuously doing something every day, there is no reason to think they would suddenly change how they are doing that thing on January 1. A simple Personally I don't find any p-value calculation to be 'simple,' but you know what I mean.
    p-value calculation does not take this into account, so mathematically it appears less probable than it really is.
  4. Y-axis doesn't start at zero: I truncated the Y-axes of the graph above. I also used a line graph, which makes the visual connection stand out more than it deserves. Nothing against line graphs. They are great at telling a story when you have linear data! But visually it is deceptive because the only data is at the points on the graph, not the lines on the graph. In between each point, the data could have been doing anything. Like going for a random walk by itself!
    Mathematically what I showed is true, but it is intentionally misleading. Below is the same chart but with both Y-axes starting at zero.




Try it yourself

You can calculate the values on this page on your own! Try running the Python code to see the calculation results. Step 1: Download and install Python on your computer.

Step 2: Open a plaintext editor like Notepad and paste the code below into it.

Step 3: Save the file as "calculate_correlation.py" in a place you will remember, like your desktop. Copy the file location to your clipboard. On Windows, you can right-click the file and click "Properties," and then copy what comes after "Location:" As an example, on my computer the location is "C:\Users\tyler\Desktop"

Step 4: Open a command line window. For example, by pressing start and typing "cmd" and them pressing enter.

Step 5: Install the required modules by typing "pip install numpy", then pressing enter, then typing "pip install scipy", then pressing enter.

Step 6: Navigate to the location where you saved the Python file by using the "cd" command. For example, I would type "cd C:\Users\tyler\Desktop" and push enter.

Step 7: Run the Python script by typing "python calculate_correlation.py"

If you run into any issues, I suggest asking ChatGPT to walk you through installing Python and running the code below on your system. Try this question:

"Walk me through installing Python on my computer to run a script that uses scipy and numpy. Go step-by-step and ask me to confirm before moving on. Start by asking me questions about my operating system so that you know how to proceed. Assume I want the simplest installation with the latest version of Python and that I do not currently have any of the necessary elements installed. Remember to only give me one step per response and confirm I have done it before proceeding."


# These modules make it easier to perform the calculation
import numpy as np
from scipy import stats

# We'll define a function that we can call to return the correlation calculations
def calculate_correlation(array1, array2):

    # Calculate Pearson correlation coefficient and p-value
    correlation, p_value = stats.pearsonr(array1, array2)

    # Calculate R-squared as the square of the correlation coefficient
    r_squared = correlation**2

    return correlation, r_squared, p_value

# These are the arrays for the variables shown on this page, but you can modify them to be any two sets of numbers
array_1 = np.array([3.3,3.2,3.1,2.9,2.8,2.7,2.6,2.6,2.6,2.6,2.6,2.6,2.6,2.6,2.7,2.7,2.6,2.6,2.3,2.4,2.3,2.3,2.3,2.1,2.1,2.1,2.2,2.1,2.1,2.1,2,1.9,])
array_2 = np.array([909,944.3,821.7,692.3,602.6,560.4,548.6,523.3,489.1,459.2,446.8,480.4,472.4,444.3,418.6,407.5,405.9,393.2,351,309,269.4,249.4,249.5,248.2,253.6,246.1,247.2,239.8,244.5,270.3,287,302.5,])
array_1_name = "Cottage cheese consumption"
array_2_name = "Motor vehicle thefts in Texas"

# Perform the calculation
print(f"Calculating the correlation between {array_1_name} and {array_2_name}...")
correlation, r_squared, p_value = calculate_correlation(array_1, array_2)

# Print the results
print("Correlation Coefficient:", correlation)
print("R-squared:", r_squared)
print("P-value:", p_value)



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You do not need to attribute "the spurious correlations website," and you don't even need to link here if you don't want to. I don't gain anything from pageviews. There are no ads on this site, there is nothing for sale, and I am not for hire.

For the record, I am just one person. Tyler Vigen, he/him/his. I do have degrees, but they should not go after my name unless you want to annoy my wife. If that is your goal, then go ahead and cite me as "Tyler Vigen, A.A. A.A.S. B.A. J.D." Otherwise it is just "Tyler Vigen."

When spoken, my last name is pronounced "vegan," like I don't eat meat.

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Correlation ID: 1719 · Black Variable ID: 556 · Red Variable ID: 20166
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